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Peter Kay

Mahiedine Mekhissi-Benabbad, track-fighting man <em>Picture: Chell Hill</em>

Mahiedine Mekhissi-Benabbad, track-fighting man Picture: Chell Hill

By Stewart Weir

Saturday
Usain Bolt aside, athletics has been up against it in recent times, drugs putting a question mark against everyone. So those in charge of the sport have tried all kinds of marketing ploys to lift the popularity, from Golden to Diamond leagues, strange-coloured vests, and world record attempts at every opportunity.

But it appears they might have cracked it with a completely new event – the middleweight street-fighter 3,000m steeplechase. I know there have been wee neds and polis throughout Scotland participating in this event for years, but never on a world stage.

Watch this and tell me who wouldn’t want this in the 2012 London Olympics or Glasgow 2014?

Channel 5 has live boxing, the British and Commonwealth heavyweight title fight between holder Dereck Chisora and Tyson Fury.

Fury took the win on points after 12 rounds, which I had scored 117–112 in his favour. There were some inquisitive looks at me when the MC read out the judges’ scorecards, the first two giving Fury the fight by the same margin. There are those amongst my family and friends who forget what I used to do for a living.

All in all, it was more thud and blunder than blood and thunder, but a good enough scrap nevertheless. I’d score the contest 7/10, above average, because over the years I’ve paid more to watch worse…

Sunday
The German Grand Prix lost out to a BBQ. I admit, I missed a great race (although I watched the highlights later).

Star performance of the day comes from Mark Cavendish, who won the final stage of the Tour de France in Paris, becoming Britain’s first winner of the green jersey for the race’s best sprinter.

Cavendish deserves the plaudits for his achievement, although what he won was a series of races within one big race. Overall, he finished 130th, ninety-nine places behind the top Brit, Geraint Thomas.

Still, Cavendish rewrote the history books in capturing that green jersey, and had plenty more written about him as a result.

But imagine if he had taken such a title and finished at the head of the field. What media frenzy would have followed that?

Well, back in 1984, that’s what Scotland’s Robert Millar did, winning the King of the Mountains red polka-dot jersey outright and finishing an amazing fourth overall.

But Millar’s incredible performance merited probably a tenth of the exposure in this country that Cavendish’s did.

That’s how much sport has grown in the last quarter of a century. Or do I mean the hype around it?

Monday
While he might never have enjoyed the hero-worship of Jimmy White or Ronnie O’Sullivan, Stephen Hendry was always a popular guy.

People presented him with awards aplenty, adoring fans even commissioning special trophies to mark his achievements, with my good friend Neil White’s Waterford Crystal piece commemorating Hendry’s 100 Crucible centuries a particularly striking gift.

Whenever the seven-times world champion was signing autographs, there would be a lengthy queue, with all sorts wanting him to pen their books, photographs, programmes, tickets and the likes – and, in the case of a few daring young ladies, certain parts of their anatomy.

Stephen joked a few months that he was now the property of the granny brigade. But just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse when it came to admirers…

I have to say, all credit to Stephen for posing as an Apache warrior…

Tuesday
While Rangers entertain Malmö (although they struggled to do the same with the home support) in their Champions League qualifier at Ibrox, holders Barcelona are participating in the Audi Cup at the Allianz Arena along with Bayern Munich (who they would eventually defeat in the final), AC Milan and Internacional from Brazil.

Audi spend a shed-load of dosh year-on-year backing their own record-breaking team in endurance car races, especially at Le Mans.

But while there are those out there trying to tell butchers, bakers and candlestick-makers just how wonderful motorsport sponsorship is for brand awareness, here is one of the biggest car manufacturers in the world sinking even more cash (they are official car suppliers to Manchester United) in football.

What does that tell you about the power of the glorious game?

Back to Ibrox, and in the inner bowels of the great stadium ahead of the game, I’m interviewing the legend that is the “Greatest Ever Ranger”, John Greig. “Greigy” is helping me with a few chapters for a book idea I’m working on and complains bitterly that I’ve asked him to recall some details from nearly 50 years ago.

He then rhymes off team-mates, goalscorers, who passed to who and other recollections as if it were yesterday.

What does that tell you about the power of the glorious game?

Wednesday
One year to go to London 2012. 365 days now, or is it 366? It’s a year, anyway. Unfortunately my preparations have been curtailed somewhat by injury (a long-term Achilles problem has flared up again), and the fact that I am still trying to decide what event I want to compete in. This decision-making process will be all the easier once I work out what sport I am going to be good at.

I’m still thinking football, as the token Scot – or judo, as you would get to keep a nice jacket if nothing else.

It might be my imagination, but champion diver Tom Daley has started appearing even more regularly on my TV, fronting the Nestlé “Get Set, Go Free” campaign.

Now as a diver, young Tom is agile, inventive and expressive – all of the things he is not in this advert.

I noted that while he tried out golf and hockey, the kept him well away from horses. Copyright there probably belongs to Zara Phillips.

Of course, there has only ever been one athlete capable of world-class diving and being able to act with it. Watch and learn, Tom, from a master at work.

Thursday
El-Hadji Diouf has always had the ability to play at the very highest level. He has also had the ability throughout his career to start a fight in an empty hoose.

This week Diouf fell out of love with the Senegal Football Federation (FSF) which banned him for five years after comments he had made on Radio France Internationale, in which he claimed that “the whole system of African football is corrupt”. I couldn’t possibly comment.

But Diouf is naturally upset by the outcome and promised he would “go to war” with the FSF. Well, he wouldn’t be himself if he wasn’t warring with someone. Ask Scott Brown, the players of QPR, and at least one Celtic fan. The list is endless.

This latest spat, coupled with Diouf’s non-appearance for Blackburn’s return for pre-season training, has put his future at Ewood Park in doubt, with Rovers boss Steve Kean indicating that perhaps the time was right for the player to leave the club.

And here was me thinking that Kean had allowed Diouf to play at the tail-end of last season with Rangers, just so he could welcome him back with open arms.

However, there might have been some method in El-Hadji’s madness, missing the making of this.

Maybe Tom Daley isn’t that bad after all…

Friday
Northern Ireland’s second-best golfer Rory McIlroy doesn’t like criticism levelled at him by American broadcaster Jay Townsend on Twitter.

After seeing the US Open champion double-bogey the last hole at Killarney, Townsend tweeted: “It was some of the worst course management I’ve ever seen beyond under-10 boys’ golf competition.”

McIlroy countered: “Jay Townsend shut up… you’re a commentator and a failed golfer, your opinion means nothing.”

Townsend responded with: “I stand by my comments.”

The Ulsterman retaliated with “Well, I stand by my caddie,” and then revealed: “I have now blocked him on Twitter so I won’t be reading anything more.”

Different sport, different people, different times and different technology.

But you could never see someone like Graeme Souness in his pomp, or Sir Alex Ferguson, resolving their differences with someone by telling them they’d blocked them on Twitter…

Tweet Stewart Weir with thoughts and comments, @sweirz

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Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard

The hardest job in the entertainment industry.

The nominees:

  • The person whose job it is to say no to James Cameron.
  • Susan Boyle’s choreographer.
  • The PR who has to draft Kanye West’s apologies.

And the winner is – hosting the Oscars.

Award ceremonies are a tricky beast at the best of times – especially, as Peter Kay found out, talking over the braying music industry hordes at the BRITs. If you want to know why his routines were so short (Man walks on stage. Man says “Lady Gaga: New York’s answer to Su Pollard”. Man walks off stage), look at the audience. Frank Skinner shudders when he mentions his stint where his BRITs routine was greeted with cavernous silences. Tough crowd.

Tougher than that is at the Academy Awards. Actors are at their most unconvincing when the camera hones in on them trying to laugh at themselves. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin’s failure this year wasn’t reading the room, but virtually proof-reading it until the routine was so polite it had turned the air a shade of beige. “Vera Farmiga, the star of Up in the Air.” “Did I pronounce that right?” “Up.. in.. the… air?” That was one of the better lines. Yup.

The next host needs to think of the audience at home before the one in the Kodak Theatre. So what if an Oscar nominee’s feelings get hurt? It’s the one show they’re unlikely to snub 12 months later.

We’ve had female actors (Whoopi Goldberg), Australian actors (Hugh Jackman), actors with comic chops (Baldwin), daytime TV presenters (Ellen DeGeneres, now in the Paula Abdul nice judge role on American Idol), news satirists (Jon Stewart) and straight-out comics (Chris Rock) as well as the spiritual heir to Johnny Carson, David Letterman, whose out-of-town sardonic tone was not generally considered welcome in the auditorium.

Most awards shows feature people, as Sandra Bullock pointed out at the Golden Raspberry Awards, who’ve only turned up because they know they’ve won. The Academy Awards are different. Everyone nominated turns up, the results are still mainly unpredictable – even though 2010 was a dull year, the ratings were their best in five years.

If this awards show struggles, all awards shows are going to struggle.

So where do producers go for a host to help re-energise the franchise?

After Alec Baldwin played it safe this year and Hugh Jackman pandered to the crowd last year, a comedian is essential for next year.
They might be tempted by Jerry Seinfeld, the man who once said: “Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
Seinfeld is just coming off the back of an uber-flop, The Marriage Ref, a ref with worse reviews than Dougie McDonald so he may be deemed as too out-of-favour.

Chris Rock and Jon Stewart are gifted comedians but they were seen as Holllywood outsiders and thought unlikely to be asked back. As Stewart said to Letterman of the ceremony “we think it’s stupid” Letterman will be counted out for different reasons, after his messy personal life unravelled on screen.

Stephen Colbert, who could have a brilliant take on it, may be ruled out for the same reason as Stewart, Rock and Letterman – he’s an out-of-town outsider.

If they really want to shake things up, might be time to be brave and go for a real outsider – the first solo Brit host since London-born Bob Hope (whom no one considers a Brit anyway). No, not Ricky Gervais, who’s already failed the audition by insisting on his own script and no writers at the Golden Globes and producing a sketchy gag-to-hit ratio.

Nor Russell Brand, who’s done one BRIT and two MTV music awards but didn’t make one comment in 2007 that produced close to the level of hilarity from Joss Stone.

Producers could feel the fear and do it anyway by hiring this year’s first choice Sacha Baron Cohen, who left his own stamp on the MTV Music awards.

How about this idea from left field? He’s been in movies with Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, George Clooney and Uma Thurman. He’s just made British national hero status after taking up running. Plus, he’s very funny on the subject of movies without offending the audience.

Next February, send for Eddie Izzard. If nothing else, the costume changes could be interesting.