Election newsflash: Nowt happened yet

Holyrood debating chamber <em>Picture: Scottish Parliamentary Corporate Body – 2011</em>
Holyrood debating chamber Picture: Scottish Parliamentary Corporate Body – 2011

12.15am update
And we’re off. The telethon that is coverage of the Scottish General Election has begun.

BBC Scotland’s Brian Taylor, in bebraced splendour, is taking us through his notional holds – an enlivening thought at midnight.

The talking heads are gamely doing what they can given the lack of any exit polls or results.

STV’s doing a nice canter round the great and the good at the counts. Apparently, it’s early days and we don’t know anything yet. Riveting stuff.

Back on the Beeb, Michael Moore looks like he knows he’s going to spend the night getting kicks in the happy sacks. The only thing that’s missing from his miserable fizog is a ball gag. On STV, Jim Wallace looks flustered and baffled but then he always does.

Key insight from Douglas Alexander: “The night is young.” No flies on him. He’s keeping his spirits up by sticking it to the Lib Dems.

At the Caley Merc electoral hub, we’re being kept awake by the prospect of seeing wur Hamish on the telly. There’s a bottle of whisky to the member of our mature electoral team who can text him the dirtiest joke and get him to corpse on air.