Couple who met at university to marry

By James Browne

Two people who went to university together are to get married, it has emerged.

William Windsor (or possibly Wales or possibly Saxe-Coburg-Gotha) and Kate Middleton, both 28, met at St Andrews University eight years ago.

Mr Windsor is a Flight Lieutenant in the RAF – and also a prince.

Wall-to-wall, dewy-eyed hysterical coverage can be found in every other media outlet.

  • Ah yes! …Got a note from a Mr House to that effect earlier. Clarence I think the chap’s first name is; not sure we’ve been introduced. Sure I met the young fellow’s Mother once or twice. Nice Girl; rather tall; bit awkward…

    On the subject of domestic bliss I have just ordered a rather spiffing pair of new radiator valves from Ebay. Quite retro looking they resemble old-fashioned tap heads. I may even see if I can get some basin taps to match.

    As I’m sure the young chap will soon be renovating a nice little flat somewhere (Dennistoun, maybe Springburn or Maryhill) I’d just thought I’d mention it; the suppliers still have a few sets I believe… B&Q are also doing a good deal on metalic emulsion paint at the moment. And I’d be happy to offer a few tips on laying budget self adhesive vinyl floor tiles…

    There’s a trick to getting them just right.

    Glad to see the Cally giving the story the weight it deserves. …The wedding that is; not the radiator valves.

  • flying haggis


  • Tormod

    Well said, good luck to the lassie.

  • me – I’m counting

    It’s called ‘human interest’ you bitter, bitter man.

    • Tormod

      No it’s called bitter experience of telly coverage from the past.

      • I worked on the coverage of the ’81 Royal Wedding; quite enjoyed it actually… I was on a mobile unit going round some of the old folks homes in London getting their reaction to it all. t’wass quite nice to hear their stories and the olde dears were enthralled by it all…

        But has anyone really bothered since? When was the last one? Seems I have been ‘got at’ by the Cally censor; but as I alluded earlier it’s really all pretty by-the-by…

        Can’t think of any reason not to wish either of them all the best… But I dare say the inevitable attempts to re-capture the spirit of ’81 will be wasted. We’ve all grown up a lot since then.

        • Davie Dites

          I was involved with old folks homes in London at the time of Princess Anne’s wedding. The colour TV was set up in the lounge with chairs all round it. Then the folk in wheelchairs came in and blocked the view of those in the chairs – who retaliated with their walking sticks …

          Yes, the monarchy keep the country together. No wonder the cabinet cheered at the news. It will keep their axe work out of the TV schedules.

          • I seriously doubt it Davie…

            I said it wasn’t 1981 any more… And it’s definitely not 1973!

            With the early evening News programmes going out I can see already the fairly cynical media manipulation at play. And I’m already rather sickened by it. Already over-egged and over-hyped; I almost pity them…

            Already I’m hearing nonsense about a Royal Wedding next year and the Diamond Jubilee the following and how wonderful it’s all going to be and how no-one can say the Royals aren’t doing their bit…

            Sigh… Oh dear, how sad, how deluded.

            I actually wasn’t kidding when I said I’d met Di a few times; notably before the engagement was announced and the media were playing cat and mouse with her. And she WAS just a very pleasant, very down-to earth big daft lassie… SHE was the last hope of redemption for the Monarchy as she was of the people… But that’s all ancient history now. Look what happened!

            As I say; I don’t wish them any ill; quite the opposite. It’s quite sweet he’s given her his late Mother’s ring and all that. And bodes well that they’ve already been together for such a long time…

            But I doubt even if the olds will be at all bothered by the coverage this time around. And if Cameron & Co imagine it’s going to get folk’s eye off the ball I suspect they’re just kidding themselves.

          • Heather Neal

            Yes, this will lift the nations spirits.

            All those students that fought against rising student fees can all gather round the tv and enjoy the wedding with the rest of the country just like the good old days……

            …Geeze give me a break. Noone gives a hoot about the monarchy these days, people are more educated and have a mind of their own.

            Why will anyone care about this when this country faces more and more problems.

            Oh yes, when my friends lose their jobs in the public sector in the coming year, ill simply say, ‘Cheer up, we’ve got a royal wedding to look forward to!’

          • It starts! All the stupid bickering adulatory shit. Please, please lets get rid of the royal family. I’m not advocating the executioner’s axe, just a quiet ushering out and away. And tell this couple to go to a registry office, then home or down the pub for sausage rolls and a pint, and don’t bother us with all the sad sad rubbish. By the way, since when was the poor deranged Diana Spencer, descendant of royalty and countless aristos, privileged from her tits to her arse, ‘one of us’?

    • dalekcat

      Im not interested in those parasites sponging off the taxpayer yet again

      • kt

        The article isn’t about students though.

        • MW


    • tea

      I disagree. It’s called, “Who gives a toss?” a.k.a. “Weddings are cool, but this particular one is really not that big a deal”.

      I enjoyed this article very much. The media could learn a bit from you 🙂

  • dalekcat


  • Jimmy the One

    Oh God! I’m going to find a place to hide away for the next few days .. or weeks ………………………….

  • Bugger (the Panda)

    I think I am about to throw up, pass the sick bag Mildred, peeeeeeeeeeeasssssssssssssse

  • Oscar Wilde

    Oh how witty!

    The mind-numbing mendacity this website produces has reached new heights of tedium.

    Mr Browne – we’ll soon be able to sit you next to quiet and private people on long train journeys.

    • Quite right Mr Wilde… It was nine yars ago they met according to the BBC! And they should know; because they know all and are always right.

      An outrage if ever there was one Mr Browne! How dare you! I shall write to the papers… Oh; wait a minute this IS the papers…

      …YOU are the REAL Mr Oscar Wilde aren’t you Mr Wilde? …YOu wouldn’t lie about that would you? No… ‘course not.

  • Its so lovely!!! Takes our minds of the job losses. And only £30million. I just hope the Tax Payers’ Alliance don’t spoil it all.

    German weddings are great btw!

    • J. R. Tomlin

      Especially German weddings financed by windfall moneys from the Crown Estate.

    • MW

      Whos German?

  • soosider

    …..and so it begins, hours and hours, merging into days and days and weeks and weeks of this drivel. But on the bright side we all get a wee something out of it and can dust down our own particular hobby horse attach it to a “Royal Event” and take it for some exercise. My favourites are the ones about the Royals holding the country together, or how ordinary the non royal person is (have you seen the size of her families house?). Look out for every conceivable topic being given the royal spin.
    Sigh, who was it that said something about the opium of the masses.

  • Naturally Wills and Kate had to wait until now to get married. Finding the right house and the new restrictions on mortgages, his uncertain future because of the armed services cuts, paying off the student loans. Modern Britain. Don’tja just luvvit

  • Chookiebirdie

    Wedding in the spring / summer 2011? Hoped for mass outbreak of Britishness near 5 May? I don’t believe that the Royals are anti-Scottish but the establishment definitely is!

  • George

    Wake me up when it’s all over.

  • daley_lama

    It was only after spending four years at University in Scotland that the future King of England decided that a career in the Airforce and spending time in the remotes of Africa was the way to go.

    I doubt he will be picking Balmoral for the wedding, either.

  • John Beare

    Should the surname not be ‘Battenberg’??

    • Colkitto

      ..battenburg-kronenburg…….in lower case…

  • Angus Jura

    Ah, a fairy tale – and just in time for the PAnto season. Poor Kate rescued from a life of drudgery amidst the ashes od Middle England by dashing young Wills; whisked off in a carriage with white horses to a golden castle in the sky where they live happily ever after withthe hen that lays the golden eggs.
    Well, no. It seems that these two ex-students (have they paid back their graduate endowment yet?) are to live in army quarters in Anglesey on the mere pittance earned by a Flight Lieutenent. Will they qualify for Income Support I wonder, or is there a big beanstalk grawing in their front garden?!
    Whatever, good luck to the happy pair, though I have a feeling that we haven’t heard the last of them!

  • Helena Brown


  • Helena Brown

    Have to say that William really should have thought the ring thing through, hardly lucky, his parents marriage was hardly a thing of beauty, but of course the royals always known for parsimony.

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  • The monarchy represents everything that’s wrong with this country and everything that’s holding it back. The power of the Crown the rotten heart of our government and the royal family the apogee of a class system which has never been properly faced and dismantled, hence Cameron in Number 10. Hopefully the insane superhype and idiocy of this wedding will be the last straw for a lot more people to say “Enough”.
    The wedding should be a private thing and the best we can wish them is that Britain gets an elected head of state as are campaigning for. Do we really want them and their children another generation sacrificed on the altar of an outdated, decrepit system based on inherited privilege?

    • MW

      Yes! More Royals and Royal weddings!

      The Republic is in StarWars anyway 🙂

  • James Browne is not only absolutely right he’s also very funny.

  • Peter

    The original article – witty

    The rest – utter crap

    rant over

  • Gavin Lessells

    Name of Prince chosen after much deliberation by Phillip to ensure lasting peace in NI.

  • Deeptrax

    My fiancée’s FB update of the day:
    “can only assume that between the royal wedding and the olympics, my council tax is going to be more than my rent for at least the next five years.”
    Bring it on Will

  • Margt

    Wish they would name the day…when W’s parents got married we spent a lovely day, almost by ourselves on Lyme Regis Beach, Englandshire. There are other southern beauty spots I might like to check out in similar circs.

  • Excellent coverage. Covered all the main points of the story and didn’t leave any significant detail out. Not a long-winded piece either which is re-freshing.

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  • @ Matt Quinn, I am very excited about the metallic emulsion paint, I thought that combination was impossible. You gladden my heart with that news.

    • ‘Tis truly a miracle Pam. The nation will forever bask in the glory of it’s coherent reflectance… I may even film some of it drying and offer edited highlights on both DVD and (metallic)Blu-Ray to compliment coverage of the up-coming nuptuals.

      What with the Royal Wedding next year, Jubilee the following, metallic emulsion… Truly, Great Britain IS a fairy tale nation!

  • Rab

    My digibox has just packed in. I’ve decided to put off replacing it until all this tosh is over.

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  • rob mcnaughton

    They seem quite nice as a couple but do me a favour, she is hardly from a commoner typical family, the pile they live in looks like something off Brideahead Revisted.
    There is common and then there is common.
    being a cynic, and trying to find an ulterior motive, I can only assume the Queen is ill and the threat of Charles taking over needs to be negated in the media.
    The question “What will happen to the monarchy when the Queen carks it?” is one that is taboo to all media it would seem?
    When Chuck and Trigger take over, even with wall to wall brainwashing from the media, watch the celebrations, not.

  • Dave Hewitt

    James Browne’s piece could well be setting some kind of record in terms of the word count of the piece itself compared with that of the subsequent comments. He wrote 60 words and by my reckoning there have been 1976 words of comment on it thus far – this comment will take it past the 2000 mark, so the ratio is already well over 30 to 1. From a journalistic jealousy point of view I’m impressed – good work!

  • The economic use of words in this article is close to genius. What a pity the “other” media won’t live up to this fine example of giving this (non)event the place it deserves. There must be something more worthy.. oh.. is that a fat dug i just spotted chasing a cat up a tree?

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  • Dave Rankin

    @Marjory. Don’t be too harsh on the monarchy. I live in a republic (South Africa and no, I do not know Kate or her family). An elected head-of-state is not necessarily better (cf USA, France etc). At least with a monarch you can blame Durex for making defective products. 🙂

  • Ace 182

    Actually Jim Beare & Colkitto, their real family name is Witen which they changed during WW1

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